Changing My Lastname

I hate being called Mrs. (insert husband’s name and lastname here), I’m proud that I’m married to a wonderful man but I have my own name for pete’s sake! Today, I’ve been a year and 19 days married, and most of my personal identifications are still in my maiden name. I’m not exactly sure why I somehow resent the thought of changing my lastname, hence, I am deliberately not working on updating my IDs. Well for one, I’m not a fan of waiting in line, I don’t have enough patience to just stand there and wait for my turn so someone can assist me update my ID name. I also feel that giving up the last name I used for more than 27 years is like giving up my own identity. Don’t get me wrong, I love my spouse and I’m glad to take his name (hyphenated), I just don’t like the hassles that come along with changing names. I’m not sure if it’s just pride but I want my name hyphenated. There’s just not enough space in forms that I have to fill out, so there I can’t hyphenate my name, hence the delay of updating my IDs.

The only identification I have under my hubby’s lastname are my passport and my driver’s license. My old passport was lost so I had to apply for a new one. We were leaving for a vacation and the ticket we booked was under my married name, so I applied for a passport using hubby’s lastname. My driver’s license expired last December so I renewed under my married name too (just in case I’d need a valid ID in the airport). Other than those two, everything else is in my maiden name.

A few days ago hubby and I went to the bank to open a joint account. When asked for my IDs I presented my Social Security ID, and my driver’s license. The teller said they can’t accept two IDs under different names. I have to update my SS ID, told her to use my maiden name instead, I show her my Tax ID, she said she needed another one under my maiden name, since I left my company ID at home, I’ve got nothing else to show. We ended up opening an account solely under hubby’s name. Until I haven’t updated my ID’s I wouldn’t be able to convert what we opened into a joint account. I was really upset that day. Hate the thought that men doesn’t have to go through the hassles of changing names when they get married. While women have to fill out tons of forms and fall in line all over again for ID’s they already had before.

Since it’s tradition for women to change their lastnames when they get married, I’ve got no choice but to oblige. Most men, if not all, become offended if their wives do not wish to change their last name as if it was disrespectful. But a lot of women are getting married after they’ve already started a career and have gone by their own last name that sometimes it can be a real hassle to make the change. I’m glad my hubby is not pressuring me to make the change but I’m sure he’d appreciate it very much if I would, so fine, I’m taking a leave to finally take his name in my IDs. Sigh!

It’s Official, I’m an Adult

While I’m going through all the bills that need to be paid this month, it dawned on me that I’m indeed a grown up person, which means I should be equipped with all the pressures and responsibilities of being an adult, adjusting to married life included.

 

When I was a teener I dreamed of owning my own place, a place free from parental authority, a place where I can do as I please. Then I got married and finally I was out of the house. But settling into my “freedom”, I realized that I had to pay the price. I don’t have a curfew but I have to be home early to cook. I have an option not to clean up, but I need to. No matter how tired I am, I still need to get up to go to work. Well I can’t always call in sick when I don’t feel like coming to work, can I? I guess life did not change after all.

 

I realized it takes more than just a responsibility to be an adult. It sometimes mean making more decisions than I can handle in a day. What to buy for groceries, what to cook for breakfast, lunch and dinner, what to wear for work, what hubby would wear to work, when to do the laundry, what hubby would like to eat, which tv program to watch to unwind, what to do over the weekend, how much money to save, and the list goes on and on. When I was with my parents, I seldom think about these things. My mom deals with everything, and I’m just there waiting for what she’s gonna ask me to do.

 

Now I miss home. I miss the parental authority that gave me the feeling of home. Sometimes I wonder how it would have been if my parents are still responsible for all the decisions I make.  Maybe, just maybe, life will not always be as tough.

Thoughts on Parenthood

I am the type of person who loves to go out, whether it’s just a night out or an out of town trip. I’ve always been sheltered and couldn’t do all that until after college graduation. Well there were times my parents would let me out with friends, as long as they know we are accompanied by somebody older who’d be responsible for us, but on most part I should be home by 6pm or else I’m grounded.

 

My parents were disciplinarians but eventually they let me go. They trust how they raised me that they didn’t mind how I lived my life. I’d be out and be home the next morning or worse I’d be back after a day or two. When I realized I am allergic to alcohol, mama was the one who took me to the doctor. I’d hop from one job to another. I’d fight for causes I believed in. I was in control of living my life. Mama and papa would just listen with my stories. They would give their take on things but they never imposed anything on me. Today as i sit here and think about the good life i am currently living, i am wondering what it would take to rear a child at this time and age.

 

I guess despite being a hard head, I lived and still am living by the principles mama and papa taught me. I was good in school, I graduated on time, I only had two boyfriends whom I’m not ashamed to have, I didn’t get pregnant, I was never in trouble (well not really hehe), I had a wonderful church wedding and I’m living a full life.

 

My parents honed me to make decisions for myself, and be responsible for my actions. It is through the independence they gave me that I became the person that I am now. I hope someday, when I have my own lil angels, I can even be half as good as my mom and/or my dad… then i could say that i have lived a life of success.

Photos and memories

Last month has been a busy month, aside from the holiday season, we were busy preparing for my bestfriend’s wedding. It was a day I really looked forward to. I’m hosting the reception and some people who live abroad went home for the occasion. Not to mention, few of the most important people in my life are taking time off to attend this wedding. January 4th ’08, a day before the wedding, my highschool friends, me and my hubby went up to Baguio (where the ceremony will take place). The rest of the entourage went up North a day earlier. The long drive was tiring but we had fun during our 6 hour road trip. As we chat along the way I realized that it’s been 13 years since we all became friends, and it felt really good knowing that there are people whom you know you can depend in a bind.

Two weeks later, 3 of my friends bid me goodbye. First to leave was Carlo, he’s an engineer in Dubai. The next day, it was Irizh, she and her family lives in Canada. Then the following day, Ate Shy left for the US. It was a sad week, I’m not sure if it’s just hormones or it’s just really sad that 3 of my friends are leaving and I’m not seeing them for years.

Today, I’m staring at our pictures. The pics from Irizh’s wedding, the pics from Bilog’s wedding, and the pics of the great time we had in Baguio. I’m missing them today that’s why I felt the urge to check the site where I uploaded our pictures. I even remember asking ate Shy during her despedida dinner while she snaps photos, “where are you going to put all those pics?” She just simply said “CD” Then I asked, “anong ginagawa mo sa mga CD?” She said, “andun lang sila sa bahay namin, nakatabi. Pero you know when the california wildfire happened last year, isa yun sa mga sinave ko. Yung mga appliances kasi makakabili ka ulet, pero yung mga pictures di na mauulit yun.” Now as I stare at these pictures, I feel a tinge of sadness knowing that these moments will never happen again, but then again I’m glad for at least it happened. I’m going to check our highschool pics next…

First Post

This is just an attempt to try documenting my life’s experiences, in case I might forget them in the future. It’s easier to type away your thoughts than write them down with good old pencil. And it’s easier to log in here and read through the time/thoughts that passed than try to remember them all. I’ve lost my knack for writing a long time ago, but I’d try to be as legible as possible. If ever I fail to do so, walang pakialaman…gumawa rin kayo ng blog nyo. Hope this works for me and for my friends who’s interested to know more about me.